Today's blog is about one simple and easy way to help improve your marriage. And that is with a date night. When I first heard about date nights in grad school, I thought it was too easy and simplistic for any counselor worth their salt to recommend. However, what I have learned in the past 19 years is that life gets in the way of dating the way we used to when we were initially dating our partner. We go from dating our partner to marriage, and things such as work, children, PTA/PTO, take precedence and slowly—over time—we lose sight of dating our partner. It's recommended that you spend one night a week going on a date with your partner to maintain a healthy marriage. You can always make the dates inexpensive. You can have dinner at home. You can pick up your meal or use a delivery service like Uber Eats to bring the meal to you. You can have your children watched by a family member, or a very close friend that you feel is trustworthy. My only recommendation is that when you have a date night, it should be fun. There should not be anything that feels laborious, such as discussing what needs to be done with the kids regarding discipline or various extracurricular activities to enroll them in. Dr. John Gottman recommends that you develop a love map as one way of increasing the intimacy in your marriage. He and his wife (who both heavily research the topic of healthy marriages) have noticed that to create a healthier marriage, a love map is essential, which is merely learning more about your partner. When we were dating, we always asked questions like what their favorite color was, what their favorite music was, or their favorite song. Now we do not ask them anymore. People evolve. Maybe, her favorite song 10 to 20 years ago has changed. Maybe her five-year goal now and 10-year goal have changed because of the introduction of children to your marriage. A few hours a week with the person you fell in love with to have seemingly frivolous communication can help bring back the spark in a marriage where there is none. So plan a date. Make it extravagant. Make it very simple. Make it affordable for your budget. But make sure it is like the dates you've had with that person in the past before you got married. Dates where you talk about your hopes and dreams. Do you desperately want to discuss that person bugging you at work? Perhaps that can wait for another time and place. My suggestion would be to make a date night and ask questions about each other. Remember that you are human and you don't know everything about the other person no matter how long you've lived with them. Make it fun; make it enjoyable. Make it light-hearted, but date your spouse. Date your partner.
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